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A Synthesis–Past Event Strings-Present Epiphanies

This morning I began my writing session by wandering through some of my notes from a distant past—the 1990’s—doesn’t seem so distant but in 2015 if I do the math 1996-1997 is almost 20 years ago.. Where does the time go?

If all is the NOW and time is just an illusion to separate experiences so they aren’t all jumbled in one chaotic mess then the writings I re-discovered today hold as much if not more relevance for me now as they did then. Three different entries hold my attention this morning and I cannot help but ask myself can an Event String in an individual life stretch out over a considerable amount of time and be the beginning of an unfolding that continues indefinitely?

From the overview of the experiences I am going to talk about in this entry, it would seem that these orchestrations of my Sovereign Self put my human self on a trajectory. The process of discovery this morning initiated by my present self enabled me to see how all these events tie together in a cohesive and meaningful Epiphany.

The first experience was written right after I moved to California in 1996. In my journal I wrote that I was walking between the worlds. I left the only world I had known behind  to move to California to be with the person who was to become my second husband. I was feeling alone and asking myself many questions. Metaphorically I was coming home to the state of my birth and in that same metaphorical mindset I was hoping I was coming home to my spiritual Self as well as I had always wanted to live in Northern California and felt it to be my spiritual mecca. I wrote on that morning in March 1996:

“I haven’t found my niche in California socially; I haven’t found my niche spiritually. I am on the edge in both places. Ahead of me lies the unknown which creates feelings of doubt and of wondering if I have made the right decision. Groping for some direction, I asked the Mayan Oracle for help; for some clarification of what is happening to me right now.” (I used The Mayan Oracle Return Path to the Stars by Ariel Spilsbury and Michael Bryner published in 1992)

Then I pulled a card. Here are excerpts from that entry:

I drew CAUAC. This is what it said to me. “In receiving CAUAC you are entering into a time of profound quickening and transformation. You have come to the edge of what you have known yourself to be. CAUAC beckons you to step into the fire that changes every level of your being, even the underlying structures of your life. Step into the unknown–your metamorphosis has begun…..You are at a crossroads, in the midst of a personal revolution, clearing old patterns, past experiences, judgments, memories, and expectations. You are being purified and quickened into your light body, activated for rebirth…..Perhaps you have been experiencing intense feelings or undefined anxieties. That is natural, for you are now in the crucible of evolution. During the major shift that is occurring, every level of your being is transforming…..the intensity that you feel is the quickening and purification of this time of CAUAC….now preparing you to go through an insurmountable wall, and the intense feelings around this “wall” provide the very fuel that will propel you through it. These feelings are the access to your hidden power and potential….Step free from denying and judging your experience. Access your Essence Self to carry you through the intense feelings that accompany profound growth. Turn your transformation over to Spirit, surrendering all that perpetuates the illusion of separation.”

In the shadow of CAUAC, you may even experience feelings of despair and the desire to give up. Be encouraged. You are on the frontier of the unknown! You are in the process of transformation, discovering yourself as new sacred ground. Your feelings are magnified so that you will address them and use this energy to create the ecstasy of freedom. Break through your barriers to union! The totality of this transformation challenges everything in your reality. Surrender all that perpetuates the illusion of separation. Cast these things into the fires of CAUAC; and your true essence will rise from the ashes transformed.”

One can look at that entry with generic eyes and say it could be applied to any set of life experiences and one would have a point, but as I look back over the years and the journey that has brought me to what I know now, and what I consider the MOTHERLOAD of transformative information, I cannot help but look back at that entry as a landmark on my incredible journey because now I can interpret that entry from an entirely different perspective and that message holds more significant relevance today than it did then. It also illustrates to me that in this material world—the world where as Lazaris said many times we show our work as this is the world of long division—I am experiencing that transformation. I will talk more about the above in a bit.

The second entry I found in the beginning of my first book Remnants from the Fire, (no longer in print but still on my computer) the entry is titled Singing the Flesh on the Bones of my Soul-Self and I ask the questions:

What repressed my SOUL SELF? What stripped Her of Her flesh and turned her into a bag of bones and buried her deep in the tomb of my unconscious? What will put the flesh back on her Old Bones and resurrect Her and free Her from the dungeon of repression that holds Her prisoner? What kept Her memory alive enough that I know She exists? What took Her voice? How can She get back Her voice and open Her Heart?

That MOTHERLOAD of information I mentioned earlier, well that answers those questions too, and I will talk more about that in a few minutes as well.

The third entry may help me understand why my Event String has taken awhile and help to answer some questions I am dealing with right now. This entry talks about an epiphany I had about the way I came into the world—my birth pattern and how I seem to navigate the world. I quote from that entry:

“I had read or heard it somewhere years ago that the way we are born contributes to the way we go through many processes in life. For instance, if one is born breech, one has a tendency to want to do things backwards or maybe the hard way. A person born by Caesarean section will either expect to be helped through life with little initiative of their own, or might have an easy life because they didn’t have to work hard to arrive, and a child of a difficult birth may find life’s passages to be difficult, and so on. I thought the theory interesting but other than some small revelations hadn’t put much mental effort into the idea. Statistically I don’t know if it is even true, but it is an intriguing idea to play with.

When I had the breakthrough that I will talk about below I was wrestling with a set of limiting beliefs about the need to struggle, which has been a lifelong issue for me in one way or another. I have a tendency to make things harder than they are. I know this intellectually, as I have been told that by many people but for some reason I don’t seem to “see” it in my day to day moments of life.

My husband and I used to walk up this hill near Healdsburg, California not far from where we lived in the Alexander Valley. It was a beautiful walk as the entire area of Northern California where we lived was. The view at the top displayed a panorama of precisely planted rows and rows of vineyards, wildflowers in the spring, rolling hills and luminous colors that was always breathtaking and worth the climb regardless of the season.

The walk up the hill never got easy for me and it took all my energy to get to the top but once we started down, if I was thinking about something that is where I would have these mini-epiphanies. This particular morning I realized the trip my birth pattern had put on me and I quote:

“Finally we reach that wonderful place where we turn around. As we start down, and I finally catch my breath enough to speak. I whine to my husband, “I feel like I am hitting my head against a stone wall! I have come up against this place and I can’t seem to move!! I feel abandoned and isolated. I am so discouraged I just want to quit. I remember doing this many times in my life. I get to this place where I can’t make any more progress and get discouraged and give up. Sometimes I throw a prayer tantrum and beg and cry for help, or I just give up and mope around feeling depressed and sorry for myself until something gives. I know it is a pattern, but I don’t know what to do about it. I need help; I’m discouraged; I can’t go any further!”

I whine on like this for a while, and Bob in his typically patient way listens and has some suggestions that are helpful, and I calm down somewhat. We walk a bit further and it hits me like a ton of bricks. “God, Bob!! I was born that way.”

In that instant I grocked the link between my pattern of struggle and giving up and thinking I needed help and the way I was born. I was told that my mother was in labor for several days, and was unable to deliver me. They finally went in and pulled me out with high forceps. (This was well over 50 years ago, and times were different then in the delivery room!)

The story goes that in the California hospital where I was born, there was a loud speaker that was turned on so the people in the waiting room could hear the baby’s first cry. My grandma said they announced “baby Batey” and there was only a little whimper. My mother was really out of it for a couple of days and she didn’t see me until grandma raised hell about it. Mother said there was some concern that I might not make it that first day or so and the hospital staff isolated me. I don’t quite understand that reasoning but that is the story. It might have been that they were worried about my mother too, and I misinterpreted the story. At any rate we both had a difficult time getting me here.

As the realization of the birth pattern hit me on the mountain, I had a very vivid image of an infant with an overlay of struggle and isolation imprinted into her very energy field. At the time of my birth when I struggled and struggled against a stone wall and finally gave up, the pattern was created for me not to have much faith in my ability to succeed. I do succeed, but I work very hard at it, with a nagging feeling of wondering if I will, which creates a great deal of anxiety. Then comes the perception of the stone wall, where I give up, and then finally something will give. I hate it that I seem to need to get to that stone wall stage before things finally move, but I have seen that pattern play itself out over and over in my life. Before I come up against the stone wall, I have a tendency to be quite “pushy” about events I want to happen. I feel like I have to force the issue and work very hard in order to succeed.

The above revelation also opened up some related realizations. I put myself in the place of the baby and what she was feeling. I was literally pulled into this world, and then isolated. In my childhood I suffered from an intense fear of abandonment that centered around my mother especially when I was feeling insecure about something. As a child I worried constantly about being left or rejected if I wasn’t obedient and didn’t please the adults in my family.  “If I didn’t get it right I would be rejected” was the underlying current of anxiety running through my existence. Could that be the way my emotional body interpreted the birth experience? Fascinating idea.

Somewhere in my studies about early childhood development, I came to understand that the inner child is the emotional body of each of us. According to this information everything the infant and child experiences become a part of the emotional memory that actually creates the emotional approach to every event into the child’s subconscious. When an event triggers an emotional memory the same feelings are felt that created the initial memory.

I remember carrying those feelings of sadness and loss through to my own children and would not leave them with anyone until they were old enough to explain where I was going and how soon I would be back. I could not bear to make them feel that intense pain I had suffered all through my early childhood every time I was separated from my mother. (I also carried a streak of melancholiness into my adult hood that I fear has rubbed off on some of my children.)

Now I see how the difficult struggle I endured to be born laid a deep memory pattern on my emotional body. Because of my initial sensitivity to the experience of struggle, any life experience which resembled those emotions would reinforce the original memory pattern and I would link together subsequent experiences in such a way as to create a linear memory of a reality of struggle. The struggle would be what I was familiar with; the overlay of that perception would be the operating imprint with any challenging experience. The proverbial cache 22! What an illustration of selective memory!! As I look back, there were many events in my life that were easy, but because of the initial imprint, I would select out the memory of those events that reinforced the initial struggle and I would remember that.

The resonance was set for me to battle situations in my life and see them as harder than they are because sensitivity was already there in my memory to perceive the world in that manner.

We are at the end of our walk, and once again I am grateful for the hard work of climbing which has such a magical way of putting things into perspective for me. I take bits and pieces of my fragmented struggling consciousness to this place. I intensify the struggle with the climb, and I am gifted with a gestalt.”

Now, as I look back on this experience I see the gestalt within the gestalt. It was the struggle on that mountain that brought me to the realization of my inward struggles. Oh, how complicated we make our lives!

So how do all of these Event Strings fit together? Well, I am seeing that although I have come a long way in the struggle department there are still some residual energies that remain, but first I want to talk about the Mayan Oracle’s answer.

The past 20 years have been a steady transformational process to me in both my inner and outer lives. Leaving the identity of the person I left behind when I moved to California has continued to be life changing for me. My beliefs have changed profoundly and only faintly resemble the beliefs of the woman I was. I have indeed lived a personal revolution, which I write about in my book Breaking Free of the Tyranny of Beliefs—A Revolution in Consciousness. What I experienced and discovered up to the point of the last chapter of the above book led me to the MOTHERLOAD.

I said that I had found the MOTHERLOAD of transformative information. I was to travel a long and winding road to arrive at that Treasure, but arrive I did when I discovered the WingMakers/Lyricus information.

The work of WingMakers/Lyricus is to help each of us become activated in such a way that we can realize the Sovereign Integral state of being. That includes activating our Lightbodies as explained in a paper found on the www.eventtemples.com website titled The Rising Heart.

I quote from the Oracle: “You are now preparing to go through an insurmountable wall, and the intense feelings around this wall provide you with the very fuel that will propel you through it.” The “insurmountable wall “is not only my wall but humanities. It is very thick, consisting of layers upon layers of limiting programmed beliefs often enforced by brutality that instilled a deep seated fear of disobeying those beliefs within the collective consciousness.

The profound story of the Suppression of our Sovereign Infinite Selves can be found in The Fifth Interview of Dr. Neruda on the WingMakers website. https://www.wingmakers.com/content/neruda-interviews/

The process of dismantling that wall, brick by ugly brick means that humanity wakes up to the realization that we are Infinite Beings and as enough of us wake up we will collectively dismantle the Wall of Deception that has been a part of our consciousness since the Human Instrument was created.

Paraphrased from the Oracle you are beckoned to step into the fire that changes every level of your being, even the underlying structures of your life. Life on Earth will change profoundly when the Wall of Deception—which is the underlying structure of our lives—is torn down.

The Oracle admonished me to “turn your transformation over to Spirit, surrendering all that perpetuates the illusion of separation.” The Hologram of Deception—that great inhibiting wall to our true identities is an illusion of separation. Everything in our world perpetuates it from the money/power game that is played, to the polarizing effect of politics, to the radical religions that kill those who do not believe as they do to our educational systems. “The totality of this transformation challenges everything in your reality. Surrender all that perpetuates the illusion of separation.”

One of the major ways to dismantle the Wall of Deception is to come to the realization that we are all connected and that there is no separation. Connection does not mean annihilation of ourselves, it means recognizing that we all have the same birthright. Just like each cell in our body is unique and connected and has a job to do to make our bodies operate cohesively, so each of us is a fragment of Divine Consciousness that is a part of a vast and cohesive Whole and we each have a role in the eternal play of Infinity.

We live in a Hologram of Deception but we have tools available to us that our Infinite Selves can use to lead us to guidance, even when the overall premise might not be completely accurate, the tool used in just the right place still can do a job. (I am referring here to the Oracle I consulted) So we excavate old relics from our own archeology and we can discover messages from those past selves that can help to propel us forward. Seeing that message today, when I am again searching for some clarification became profoundly significant to me.

This brings us to the third old relic. I want to dismantle that wall in my own life and see it dismantled for those I love as well as humanity at large. I want to see the pain and sufferings caused by this insidious deception go away. I see all the heartache in the world and feel like I am hitting this miles deep brick wall that cannot be penetrated.

I would see it that way; because that is the way I am programmed to see it. Each of us will have those relics of programming that stick in our Consciousness and thread together events that perpetuate vicious cycles and patterns in our lives and create our individual perceptions of life. That is how the Illusion of the Wall of Deception is kept in place. We each hold our programmed perceptions in place and that keeps the wall intact.

What happens when one of the programmed human units is “hacked” into realizing it has been programmed (“hacked” with new information) and refuses to maintain their part in the illusion? We know what happens with hacked programs; the original is eventually changed or destroyed. That is essentially the task of each of us—to discover how we are programmed and in that discovery participate in the dissolution of the Wall of Deception.

So for me, being reminded of that programmed pattern helps me to recognize some blind spots that have kept me in perpetual angst and helps me to see a big picture of ways I have been programmed. This discovery gives me hope and encourages me to continue to search for truth within myself so that I can stop contributing to the maintenance of the Wall of Deception. Others are doing the same as they explore where they have been programmed by their society, parents, clergy, teachers, destructive psychological events in one’s life etc. and overcoming their programming .

Each one of us who stops contributing to the maintenance of the wall weakens its power. The Wall of Deception will ultimately fail, because it was created on a false premise and has trapped Authentic Beings who will not go on forever in a program of deception. If we are beginning to understand this it points to the game coming close to being over.

That brings me to the second old relic: my archeological dig of the day brought me to the questions that centered on what suppressed my Soul Self?

I know the answer to that now and it all has to do with the Hologram of Deception. Come to find out our Souls or that Infinite Part of us will be playing a very big part in the not so very distant future. Again, I know I sound like a broken record, but I refer you to The Fifth Interview of Dr. Neruda for a very detailed and complete explanation of the role our Souls and us will be playing in the future. Another great source for this and more information is the James Mahu’s interview with Project Camelot. Both of these very informative interviews can be found on the WingMakers website. Project Camelot interview can be found in the Resources Section of the WM website: https://www.wingmakers.com/content/resources/

What was meaningful to me today as I read that rhetorical entry from years ago was that there is a real answer to it and it will take humanity beyond our wildest dreams when it comes to fruition. The information is too lengthy and important to give it justice here. I will simply say that if I have piqued your appetite read the suggested interviews and do some thinking about where you have been personally programmed. I will also add that my book Breaking Free from the Tyranny of Beliefs offers exploration exercises at the end of many chapters to help one work with their programmed beliefs.

The conscious realization of our programming is the most important step we can take as it will open our eyes to how the Deception works and how we can quit contributing to it. To quote a phrase from the music The Grand Portal by James Mahu: “something wonderful is going to happen, something wonderful.”



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