In my early years I wrote a lot of poetry to help me vent emotions I couldn’t explain any other way.

The following is one of the first poems I ever wrote, way back in the 80’s sometime.  I am posting it here as I think that many can identify with the loneliness that comes with having impulses from within that force one to look at life just a bit differently than others seem to.   If we compared notes it is possible we are all having the same kinds of thoughts and feelings and just not sharing them.

I also think we share a common ground of  feelings of separation from Source which prods us toward that reunion, and the feelings expressed below were my way of feeling those impulses.

At the start of the journey that led me to Sovereignty thinking  it was difficult to know what do do about the impulses.   I could write about my feelings but was somewhat timid about expressing them verbally to anyone in the beginning.    Anyway–with that preamble-I share my first poem–baby steps in my Long Road Home.

What Are Dreams For?

Something inside me

A still small voice

Persistently hinting at a mystery

Calls to me

A passionate ache

Longing for relief.

 

Frustration and I

Constant companions

Knowledge-eagerly gained

I long to share

But he won’t listen

He doesn’t care?

 

A slave to the culture that bore and bred him

Only one school of thought accepted here

Sad, gray, droopy, ghostlike  vitality

Fit into your mold, don’t waver

As I wash my dishes, to wash them again

Clean up today, only to clean up tomorrow

I long for a purpose to make sense to my toil

 

Anguish wells up inside me

Spilling over into tears of despair

As I sit in my chair

The crackling fire tries to cheer me

And yet I feel cold

Even the fire’s cheerful glow

Cannot warm my soul

 

Please understand my searching

Explain it to me

Open up the mysteries of my heart

Set me free!

 

What is the reason for my existence?

Why, oh why am I here?

What is truth? Does it matter?

Does anything really matter?

 

My awakened curiosity

Has opened small avenues of discovery

That seems to call to me, mocking me

Teasing the loneliness with false hope

 

I am given a taste of what I seek

Only to have it withdrawn

Like an elusive ghost

Leaving me lonelier than before

 

I cannot speak my heart

For it would not be accepted

Nor understood

I am  punished for my pain

The struggle is so hard

And I am so discouraged

What are dreams for?

 

The insanity of my life goes on

Can no one sense my turmoil?

Seething under this calm veneer?

Is this a normal state?

Do any feel as I do?

How do I ease the ache?

Assuage the fear?

Where do I go from here?